Rainbow Squad
by emmarumbelle
Summary: After a particularly gruesome expedition, the Squad finds comfort in each other's company. Doing mundane things like cleaning until they can almost see through objects (just as their Captain does), they understand how hard it is to cling to their sanity.


I wrote this. Yes.

Disclaimer: I don't own Shingeki no Kyojin/Attack on Titan or any of its characters.

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The only sound that could be heard at the headquarters was one of scrubbing, rubbing, and polishing. Every member of the Special Ops Squad was focused on cleaning the place right after _yet another_ unsuccessful expedition. Things had gone mostly according to plans, but they couldn't obtain any new information nor capture any titans and the deaths that occurred only made the inefficacy of the mission hurt even more.

The team had gotten back with defeated spirits and a surprising urge to get rid of every spot of dirt they could find in the HQ. Truth was: they used to make fun of Levi's habit of cleaning obsessively, but after one particularly bad expedition in which not many people had survived, being able to at least control the number of sparkles present in a window glass felt quite… cleansing. So they stopped joking about their captain's _issue_, at least after expeditions.

When they finally arrived, they got down to business, and as any serious task must be, they didn't speak a word to each other for hours on end. Petra, Auruo and Levi cleaned the upper floor while Gunter and Erd the ground one.

After three hours of uninterrupted silence, the only woman in the squad spoke up and excused herself from the room. Levi knew what was going through her mind, but he felt out of place to comfort her, after all… it had been his fault.

Petra tried to stay calm as she walked towards her room, but the memories were too strong, too recent, she couldn't shake the pain away, the excruciating pain in her chest. So she ran all the way she had left to her room and closing her door behind herself, she broke down in tears.

During the expedition a good friend of hers was killed by titans. No, not a good friend, he was more than that. He was a childhood friend of hers; someone she thought would always be by her side… not necessarily in a romantic light. No, their relationship went way more deep than '_friends'_ or '_lovers'_. There was no way of putting a label to what they had. Complete and utter trust in each other, understanding of the other's feelings without even talking… they shared so many memories that for one of them to die meant losing a part of their own lives. That was why she had wanted him to join another military branch, begged him not to follow her to the Scouting Legion, but of course, he was as stubborn as her.

That day, when the titan made a move to grab her out of nowhere, and he jumped to save her, she knew the inevitable end had finally come. His body crashed against a building provoking a blinding rage in her and the newfound adrenaline allowed her to cut the nape of titan's neck so fast that Levi would've been jealous. With that same speed, she launched herself towards his body, but he was already gone. Nothing more than broken bones and blood, just like every other dead comrade. But he was different. Still, she didn't stay to grieve him. She closed his eyes and jumped back into battle.

In retrospective, she was quite proud she had been able to hold herself together all through the rest of the expedition and an additional three hours or so that she spent cleaning, but it still didn't feel right. She was sobbing into her knees as she crouched in the floor of her bedroom, but she wasn't thinking about her dead brother, she was thinking about herself, about Captain Levi and Commander Erwin. She remembered the never-ending accusations directed to them about being heartless monsters, without any human emotions at all, and although she knew that not to be true, she wondered if every loss she would experience there would make her more like _them_. So broken that they had reached a point where grieving was just not an option and crying was a luxury they couldn't afford. They had to carry the weight of the responsibility of protecting humanity on their shoulders. They had to be an example about what being strong meant, they were people children aspired to be, she knew that more than anyone, but either way, they weren't that different from any other soldier, they had only lived longer and thus experienced more loss than she could possibly imagine. So she cried at the possibility of becoming like them, she cried for them, for herself, who knew when would be her last time she could impose her humanity over her job as a soldier? She kept at it until she fell asleep on the floor of her room, still in her uniform, face puffy red and wet with tears, but way too tired to care about anything anymore.

When she came to, her body ached in every possible place and got even worse as she tried to stand up. She went to the bathroom to rinse her face and after doing her best with the impossible; she went back to cleaning with the rest of the squad.

She found both Levi and Auruo cleaning the library that time, so she guessed they had finished with the common room. As she opened the door, they turned slightly in her direction. Noticing her appearance, Auruo tried to make some inappropriate jokes (his favorite kind) to lighten up the mood. She just ignored him completely and instead focused on cleaning the higher shelves to avoid even the possibility of making eye contact with him.

While the whole scene played, Levi watched from the distance while he felt both guilt and pity mixing up inside of him as his particular poisons of the day. He saw when her friend was attacked, but he couldn't act fast enough. Petra took care of the titan and the poor man was already dead. He was too far to help, but that didn't make him feel any better. With every expedition that passed he could see the members of his squad slowly go through the same things he had gone through. He wanted to save them that pain. He wanted to take it all on his own and let them be happy instead. But it didn't matter how much he tried, he was bound to fail. This world is a beautiful and cruel place after all.

So instead, he stared from a distance as Petra's face grew colder with each sweep of the plume. He knew he had to do something. Levi walked towards the aisle she was taking care of and made sure to stay there cleaning the lower shelves as he waited for her to go down the stairs.

An hour or so later, the redhead finally walked down. What he wasn't expecting was her to bump into him as she turned around. In doing so, she pushed him to hit the bookcase with his back; so naturally, they whole thing fell with them on top of it.

Looking down at him, she found the situation quite embarrassing to say the least, but as their eyes met, the only thought on their minds was: '_this is hilarious'_ And before they knew it, they burst out laughing, their chests pressed against each other as the vibrations of the laughter made their stomachs tickle. Soon enough, they were out of breath and still couldn't stop holding on to the last bit of joy they had left. Petra raised her head in her reverie and her eyes met Auruo's. The poor man looked at them and asked: "What the fuck is going on? Why are you two laughing?" To which Petra replied between breaths: "I made the Captain laugh!" Hearing her response, he couldn't help but laugh even louder. He couldn't remember the last time he had smiled, let alone laughed, so he couldn't believe she had actually gotten that out of him. He could only be thankful to her. Moments ago he had felt so much sorrow that the surprise and happiness she had brought upon him were refreshing. She was truly stronger than him, and he hoped that never changed because he truly needed someone to be his anchor to the ground, his rock, _his Petra_.


End file.
